Today, is my son’s fathers birthday.
For the past week or so, I have been brainstorming over what I should get him as a present. I had already purchased two of the best “Happy Birthday Dad” Hallmark cards I could find; they would’ve been fancy, creative and custom made greeting cards had I not procrastinated and acted on my plan weeks in advance, as I had in the past. But since I hadn’t gotten ahead of it, two cards from Walmart, signed “from his son” would have to suffice.
That sounded good, but being the over the top aka “extra-mom” that I am, I couldn’t resist asking myself, “But what ELSE should I do?” I have to admit that in the last three years since we had my son, I always made it a point to send thoughtful sentiments to his Dad. Creative expressions to show him that we were on his team and thinking of him, even though we are miles and miles away. “You got your baby daddy WHAT?” I would hear my male friends who are also dads, say when I summoned their thoughts on my gifts. “My kids mom would NEVER do that for me!” They would say in surprised and borderline envious tones. “Wish you were MY baby mama.”
Previously, I had sent specially engraved silver pieces, wallets and money holders with his initials, printed out monies (homemade on my computer) adorned with his photo as if he were the King of Zemunda. Personalized “old man” socks and other thoughtful gifts, purchased or crafted by us. But this year, I was at a loss for ideas. Or perhaps, it’s that I’m at a loss for concern. You see, I believe what I noticed this year is the sincere and genuine energy that I have given over these past years, towards my child’s father. My efforts from the start had been intentional, with the purpose of bond-building; to show thoughtfulness and to encourage reciprocity. But on this 4th year of “intentional relationship building” towards my sons father, I have to admit that my mind is just flat out tired. Maybe this attrition and my lackluster birthday efforts can be attributed to my own personal life, transitioning as an entrepreneur or the recent loss of my grandmother. I am mentally and physically tired. And for the first time since I’ve been in this “co-parenting” situation, I allowed myself to be okay with not being so “giving”.
Today, I told myself, “Girl stop being so extra…it’s alright if the best damn gift he received this year, did not come from YOU.” It’s okay, even WITHOUT a monetary gift, he values your thoughtfulness, how cool you are and how easy you make the awkward reality of co-parenting from a distance. And it is OKAY, that you didn’t put his birthday cards in the mail until YESTERDAY and he probably won’t receive them until the end of the week. Hell, he probably won’t even check the darn mail until next week anyway! It’s okay. LIFE is Oh-kay!
You’re doing an awesome job as a friend, parent and mom. Carry on.
Love to all the moms, from Sky! Happy Cinco DE’MAMA!!
Follow Sky Houston @sky_houston
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